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Small milestones that signal longer term results
Last week, I completed two little things that might seem insignificant on the surface:
I filled up my journal, and switched to a new one.
And I finished a roll of dental floss.
Here’s why these two little milestones are so important to me: These are two habits that I struggled to build for 20+ years.
JOURNALING: I’ve bought dozens of journals over the years. I’ve tried bullet journaling, daily journals, fancy journals, prompt-journals, digital journals, etc.
I always set out to “journal every day.” And without fail, after two weeks of daily journaling, life would happen, my brain would focus on something else, and I would skip a day.
And then months would go by, until I bought a new journal, thinking that would solve my problems. Nope.
FLOSSING: For decades, I would floss for 2 days after the dentist, then forget for 5+ months, and then panic-floss the 2 days before the next dentist appointment, showing up with inflamed gums and lying to the dental hygienist who would see right through me.
Around five years ago, things changed.
I stopped putting pressure on myself to journal a certain amount, or expecting myself to build an unbroken streak of writing. I stopped expecting to floss every day.
I made three changes instead:
- I started bringing my journal and a pen with me everywhere.
- I put my floss in the shower.
- I removed any sort of time or consistency goal
I’m proud to say that over the past few years, I’ve filled up half a dozen journals and I go through a roll of floss every month or two.
The first two bullet points above are purely environmental:
I’m more likely to journal when I see my journal on my desk or I bring it with me to the coffee shop.
I also know when I’m standing in a delightfully hot shower, my favorite podcast playing on a speaker, and I see the floss next to my shampoo, it reminds me, “I should floss!”
Both are also part of my “Big Why”:
I feel less cluttered and have more clarity after journaling. My teeth feel cleaner after flossing. I’ve tricked my brain into treating both of these things like a workout.
I want to focus on that 3rd bullet point though:
In a world of instant gratification, algorithm-driven entertainment, and unrealistic expectations set by social media…
We’re all more impatient than ever.
Stretch out the timeline!
I’m currently making meditation a regular part of my life to become more mindful.
This is another habit I’ve tried to build over the past decade, mostly without success.
(Hell, I once tried to ‘win’ at meditating, and did it every day for 6 months. Then after missing a single day I didn’t meditate for another 3 years!)
But last year, things changed.
While reading Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go, There You Are, the following paragraph stopped me in my tracks:
“For most of us, it takes years and depends a good deal on your motivation and the intensity of your practice.
So, at the beginning, you might want to stay with the breath, or use it as an anchor to bring you back when you are carried away.
Try it for a few years and see what happens.”
Think about it: when was the last time you tried anything “for a few years”?
We’re bombarded daily with 90-day challenges and 30-day cleanses and 7-day detoxes and overnight success stories and instant results that we forget:
Real, foundational change usually takes a long time!
These days, I have confidence that if I meditate more often than not, and keep it in the front of my mind, over the next 5 years it’ll become part of my regular life.
I’m also doing it without expectation of enlightenment or with an end goal.
The goal is to sit with my thoughts, and keep working on it. I know I’ll never stop working on it.
Where are you currently being impatient?
Exercise and nutrition are both life sentences.
Which is fine…except that we’re not wired to WANT to exercise or WANT to change our relationship with food.
We don’t get to exercise for a while “and then go back to normal.”
We don’t get to diet temporarily and get permanent results.
Instead of asking “how quickly can I sprint to get to this goal,” I’ve found it really helpful to ask: “what can I do to help myself turn this into a regular routine over the next few years?"
It can remove the pressure and stigma of needing to be perfectly consistent with a workout routine.
It can help remove the shame felt when eating donuts that one time even if that isn’t perfectly “on plan."
It can help when we FAIL to make a new habit stick, or we fall off the wagon on our dietary changes.
As long as we try again (differently!), then it’s all part of the plan to try “for a few years” to find the path that works for our specific situation.
-Steve
PS: In case you didn’t see it in the last email, over the coming weeks this newsletter will start to be sent by a different email address - that’s it! Please add steve@stevekamb.com to your address book! Thanks!
